So its time to revisit my thoughts? That is laughable, said as if my “wannabe game artist mind” goes off on a round the world cruise in the instances when I am not in the labs. “oh I haven't seen the fletcher tower for a few months I can stop thinking about wanting to be a games artist”.
Oh my word .
My brain always did go off on little adventures, anyone whose ever read the musings on this blog will know that.
The point I am trying to make is that the thinking never stops and neither does the learning. The break was an opportunity to get better. So much time not using that time to my full advantage would be a waste. 20 weeks is not enough.
* “why am I spending countless hours writing about how awesome I want to be when I could be developing the skills I need to be awesome?”
I have always enjoyed writing about my aspirations and general thoughts on the subject but then again I have always loved writing. Not necessarily about the correct things but my love for the written word and using it in the best and most interesting way I can to express my self.
I realised this summer that this affliction with writing was not doing me any good. Talking a good project? Were will that get me? I thought to myself and I am gutted that I didn't realise this obvious statement sooner. I thought why am I spending countless hours writing about how awesome I want to be when I could be developing the skills I need to be awesome.
If I appeared to disappear of the face of the earth its because I stopped talking and started doing. Simple as. Better still I was able to apply this to other areas of my life aswell. Things I talked about doing but hadn't done got done. Ultimately I am proud of myself.
Its never a good thing to congratulate or belate yourself excessively. Nothing is certain as of yet.
If there was word I could use to advise anyone on how to get on well with anything it would be “balance”. Balance is key. Weigh out your responsibility's and decide what is the most important.
"Passion and productivity run alongside one another, the more love you have the better and faster you will produce the work"
I am glad for the day that I fought my fears and opened up 3ds max again. I found passion this time a passion for creating things in 3D that I struggled to find before. I spent a whole year talking about how I wanted to channel that passion without really knowing exactly how I could do that.
To channel passion one needs to have passion. If I were making any object In 3d or painting any picture in 2d there would be something there that would trigger that passion, a memory perhaps a similarity in something I love. Once you have found it the whole atmosphere of that project changes and you are able to just do it. Some may call that being in “the zone”.
Passion and productivity run alongside one another, the more love you have the better and faster you will produce the work. Confidence also plays a huge part in this and skill. You need to know how and have the confidence to pull it off.
"Questions before answers, not just skills for skills sake. The determination to figure out the questions “what do you need to learn to achieve something?” and the discipline to motivate yourself to find the answers you need."
Still got a long way to go but looking forward to taking every step. Year 1 showed me that those steps will not always be steps forward. I am prepared for that through experience. The progress I have made this summer has not been all uphill there are times when I've gotten better gotten worse then better again. The failures make the triumphs so much sweeter and knowing I will triumph if I keep focused and keep trying make the failures so much easier to accept. “No this doesn't work? So what will?” This inspired me to find new ways to do things ways that had a purpose that would increase the skills I need and build on those I already have.
Determination, desire, discipline , damn good work ethic.
Questions before answers, not just skills for skills sake. The determination to figure out the questions “what do I need to learn to achieve something?” and the discipline to motivate yourself to find the answers you need.
"Year 1 showed me that the steps I will take will not always be steps forward. Through experience I am prepared to take those steps be they rough or smooth"
A lot of advice and feedback I have been given in the first year, in fact all of it clicked into place.
I didn't quite understand it. Until I thought it through.
Working throughout the summer I finally realised exactly how much work I needed and will continue to need to put in and I now understand why heather said to consistently work with the software. The more you do the better you get right? Damn right.
Finding new ways to do things,
I need to document all of the self directed study I do to be able to show progress in my blog this way it will be a damn site easier to look back and see exactly how much progress I have made. And a hell of a lot easier to write about it.
“Being a wannabe is fine...at first . Anyone who ever made it into anything started wanting to be something, its what you do to make it happen that will count.”
It wasnt long after I got the brown envelope through the letterbox that I finally realised exactly what I had to do if I ever wanted a decent shot at this. Last year I got the grades I deserved and I understand the importance of having a first year to learn and to practice the skills I need. 20 weeks isnt enough though,
I was lucky enough to see my father over the break, he gave me this advice “Improve in the areas where you are weak without neglecting your strengths dad said. Game production was the area I was weakest at, and I want to be a 3d artist?
Being a wannabe is fine...at first . Anyone who ever made it into anything started wanting to be something, its what they did to make that happen that counted. I knew that game production is where the majority of my efforts would go during summer after all if I cant get awesome at this then there is no point.
Get better at 3d or crash and burn in year 2. There us an ultimatum if there ever was one.
I went over everything I had learnt, decided what else I needed to learn and made sure as hell I learnt it. Looking back at last years work I realised what was wrong with it and what I had to do, I didnt see it at the time but now it is oh so clear. Every crit fell into place.
“The line between failure and success is so fine you cant even see it. That's probably why it seems so impossible to cross”
The only regret I had is that I was so close to throwing the towel in, seeing people I thought of as being strong give up. I aspire not to let what other people do influence what I do ever again. Or be governed or controlled by other peoples actions.
Some say that if you keep trying you will get better and it is easy to think “when will that happen?” from experience its usually directly after you seriously consider giving up. Not giving up, not quitting is what separates the failures from those who succeed. The line between failure and success is so fine you cant even see it. That's probably why it seems so impossible to cross.
Having little faith in my ability to get better. It was just after I was about to give up on it that it started to work for me. I will take this knowledge with me to the next life it is gold dust.
I knew that certain things were not working and that I had to find new ways to do things, find a new way to unwrap, build normal maps, rig, model are just some example's.
I was told to do this last year but never really clicked on what this meant. Im glad I have. Relieved even. Happy and looking forward to the future.
There will be good days and there will be bad. That's life it leaves you on your back with your legs in the air., we work hard then we die we will never know when that will happen. The important thing is that we try. Try and be the best people that we can be in the time we have.
Thoughts on the upcoming year
I am going to enter year 2 with an attitude rich in positivity and confidence. I used to think that confidence was a superficial thing based on outward appearance. Its a little more complicated than that unfortunately. If that was the case only blonde haired blue eyed females would get anywhere in life. Through trying to improve on the superficial things (living off crackers and watered down soup is no way to live) I have learnt that Confidence starts from within.
“I wish I still believed in Santa clause and I'm going to believe in myself and my ability to succeed, preferably without loosing touch with reality.”
More importantly I am going to have faith and believe in myself. In a society where faith is crushed from an early age that is easier said than done. We are born believers, as we grow older we learn that everything we believe strongly in is a lie. The tooth fairy, Santa clause, God for some (depending on what you believe). Then it escalates to our relationships our dreams then ourselves? Our ability to succeed. My 11 year old still believes in Santa clause, I refuse to be responsible for setting off THAT time bomb. I wish I still believed in Santa clause and I'm going to believe in myself and my ability to succeed, without gliding away from reality. I can make this a reality. it is in my hands. It is important to have faith in something it doesn't matter what just have faith in something and make sure as hell that you hang on to it.
*all quotes were original Victoria Cichocki quotes 2012, this essay is my own personal opinion through experience on how "it goes down" it may not apply or even appeal to everyone. Some of the comments may appear a little obvious so take what you can learn from it or take it with a pinch of salt, to me it matter''s not. I just enjoy writing and making it sound epic, makes my existence a little less boring.
V.K.Cichocki September 2012